How He Wins

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  • “Hennessy's book Steps to Freedom . . . details how a woman can wrest herself out from under the control of an emotionally abusive partner.” —Irish Independent
  • “A massive breakthrough on controlling relationships. Anyone working with women and families should have a copy.”
  • “The best book about a husband abusing his wife ever documented. I highly recommend this book, and will keep it as the go-to manual.”
  • “Excellent. Empowering and realistic – and unlike most books out there on the topic of domestic abuse. Every woman at risk should read this, and every counsellor, pastor and therapist should too. The issue of mind-control and grooming in the midst of intimate relationships are game-changers. God bless Don Hennessy.”
  • “A must-read. For anyone in the process of leaving an abusive relationship, or healing after one, this book is essential. It gets at the underlying structure and function of an abusive relationship, and how to make personal choices to protect yourself.”
  • “This is the book for every woman who has ever dealt with abuse in any form. This author is not only extremely knowledgeable, but able to communicate to every ‘target’ in understandable language while explaining cutting-edge research. This man has a keen grasp on what is happening in the minds of both the ‘skilled abuser’ and the ‘target-woman’, and provides a road to healing and escape for the victim.”
  • “Very useful. Don looks at abuse from a very different angle. Refreshing, actually!”
  • “Finally, a book geared toward victims trying to get out that gets it right (doesn’t shame, blame, or direct the victim what to do).”
  • “Every time you embrace a bit more truth, every time you reclaim a bit more of yourself, you take a step toward being free.”
  • “Don gives an in-depth explanation of what happens in an abusive relationship far better, and with greater accuracy, than the victim herself. . . . A life-saving book.”
  • “An incredible book. Highly recommended for professionals and therapists, and survivors of emotional abuse.”
  • “This book described exactly my abuser – and how I survived in the relationship until I escaped.”
  • “Hennessy is probably the best expert on domestic abuse in the world.” —Barbara Roberts, author of Not Under Bondage

Meet The Author

Don Hennessy is the Director of the National Domestic Violence Intervention Agency and the author of the best-selling How He Gets Into Her Head. He is a relationship counsellor who has worked for many years with women who are experiencing difficulties with abusive or controlling partners. Don has been interviewed in the Irish Independent, Irish Examiner and Irish Times, and is a regular contributor on the subject of intimate control in the broadcast media in Ireland and internationally. Steps to Freedom has been featured in the Irish Independent, Sunday World and RSVP magazine, and on the Sean Moncrieff Show and the Ray D’Arcy Show.

The World Health Organisation has described the global increase in incidences of domestic abuse due to lockdowns and isolation as a shadow pandemic. Dr Hans Henri P. Kluge, the WHO Regional Director for Europe, has warned that the world could see 31 million cases of gender-based violence if nothing is done, and has called for more action to be taken. This stark warning is an indictment of our failure, in Europe and elsewhere, to reduce the level of male intimate abuse, in spite of the extraordinary energy and dedication of thousands of practitioners and academics.

In this challenging book, Don Hennessy examines our practices and procedures, our attitudes and our beliefs, in relation to coercive control. He demonstrates how we have made few inroads in this area – either into the prevalence of male intimate abuse, or in relation to the tactics that support the ability of the male intimate abuser to establish and maintain his control.

It is vital that all agencies, both statutory and non-governmental, recognise that we need to change our position from one of support to one of protection. The protection that Hennessy promotes is not that of the physical refuge alone, but the mental safeguard which will allow each target-woman to follow her own intuition.

How He Wins, by the best-selling author of Steps to Freedom, focuses in particular on the impact of abuse on the target-woman’s family members, and features numerous powerful personal stories. It is essential reading for any woman who has been the target of domestic abuse and has found herself abandoned by the community.